Here are 3 tiny ways to get any man to listen better:
1. Ask him to tune in
Get him to focus on the fact that the emotions you’re experiencing exist. The last thing you need is for him to analyze if your feelings are “right” or “wrong,” agree (or disagree) with what you’re saying, or share how he would feel if he were dealing with a similar situation. Empathy is a powerful relationship glue. Once he makes an effort to see things from your perspective, magic happens. Not only does he validate your feelings — which comforts and assures you that you’re not alone — but the negative emotions you’re feeling tend to go poof.
2. Know how to respond
If he says, “I know just how you feel. I’ve had that happen to me before,” … remember, he is trying to demonstrate empathy. Of course, it’s the last thing you want to hear because it makes your conversation all about him. Worse, whether or not the situation upsetting you would make him feel the same way is irrelevant. You feel how you feel, and when your partner denies you that, it feels more like his effort to just shut you up.
Shift the spotlight back to you by gently telling him, “I appreciate you sharing that, but right now my feelings are unique to me, and what I’m looking for is love and support.” Once a guy knows what he needs to do to help you, it takes the pressure off. Then, he can feel good about listening to you and not worry about having to add his two cents or try to fix everything.
3. Help him help you move on
Remember, he’s not a mind reader. Once you’ve vented, spell out what the love and support you’ve requested from him should look like. Do you need to hug it out? Crave a distraction? Need space to sort out your emotions? Be specific, and not only will he be happy to grant your wish, but your discussion will end with the two of you on the same wavelength. And when that happens, you’ll feel heard, understood and more deeply connected to him. Feeling heard and understood is so important in a relationship, but it requires a little bit of work. I hope these tips help you and your partner connect on a deeper level.